I Meditated with 12 Strangers Online Daily for 400 Days
None of us knew each other. We were 12 perfect strangers. Since then, we meditated together daily for more than a year, precisely 400 consecutive days. This is what I learned.
Over the last year, I’ve been privately telling the story of one of the most meaningful experiences of my life: participating in a daily meditation group with 12 strangers for 400 consecutive days. I thought I would share it here publicly along with my key takeaways. I hope it inspires more people to experiment with different ways of building community and using technology more intentionally.
The Club Med Story
It’s February 2021, peak pandemic times. People, at least in California, are spending most of their days at home or practicing "social distancing". Clubhouse is the hot app of the moment, a new medium for many to find solace online, in audio-only connection to others, hoping to fill the gap of not being able to experience the natural need we all have for in-person human connection. One day, I got a notification that someone I follow in the mindfulness space has joined a Clubhouse room called "10 min Silent Meditation". I decided to join, together with another 30 or 40 people. After the initial 10 minutes of silent practice, the host and facilitator, a male with a warm and soft voice, Eric, breaks the silence and greets the group, explaining what the room is all about.
The format is simple:
we meet daily at 8am PT in the Clubhouse app
the first 10-15 minutes are silent - we just sit and meditate on our own while present with the group
after that, whenever it feels right, the facilitator breaks the silence and greets the group
the remaining 15 minutes (or longer, as needed) are open for anyone to unmute themselves and share whatever is most present
During the first week, the momentum built up, with one particular day, 3 or 4 days in, when a whopping 1900 people joined the room. After a week, we were back to an average of a couple dozen people. After two weeks, 12 people showed up. That week, all 12 kept coming back daily. That’s when our host decided to make the room private: those were the 12 official members of the group he decided to name "Club Med".
None of us knew each other. We were 12 perfect strangers. Since then, we meditated together daily for more than a year, precisely 400 consecutive days.
Often, after the silent practice, someone would unmute and share a personal anecdote, experience, challenge, or feeling. Others would listen, then chime in providing their support, feedback, perspective, insights, or simply giving warmth with their presence. Sometimes, the conversation would continue through the end of the hour. On some other days, we simply kept enjoying the quiet and continued the meditation in silence.
Over the 400 days, we got to know each other exclusively through this format. We never got to formally introduce ourselves to one another. We never had to respond to a "what do you do"-type question. We learned to associate the participant’s profile pictures to the sound of their voices. We got glimpses of information about one another’s lives, personalities, struggles, successes, life events, and much more through our short interactions after the meditation. In many cases, I got to learn about someone’s fears or challenges several weeks before I even knew where they lived, their age, or what they did for a living. Some of us never even got to show our real faces during the 400 days.
Over time, we learned more about our wide diversity of backgrounds and lived experiences: we lived in many different states throughout the US, among us there were students, tv show producers, government employees, lawyers, tech workers, zen practitioners, and more. Most interestingly, the stories and experiences we discussed were fundamental human experiences that we all related to in some ways, whether the theme was the parent-child relationship, going through a hard job transition, appreciating nature, celebrating a marriage, or taking care of someone ill. We consistently spent more time together than with most other people in our lives.
Key Takeaways
We can do more (and have the tools) to create serendipitous connection and build compassion for others.
Club Med exemplified the profound impact of forming connections with diverse individuals. It showcased how people from all ages and walks of life could come together to form a supportive and nurturing community, highlighting the universal human need for connection. It became for us a daily source of joy, stability, and community during uncertain times. A safe place where to show vulnerability, authenticity, and mutual support.
"Compassion" is a skill that I like to define as "awareness of others, a mindset of kindness, and taking action to help them". I believe that this experience measurably increased the group’s capacity for compassion, enhancing social bonding and mutual support among individuals, as relevant scientific studies have shown (Zak PJ, Stanton AA, Ahmadi S (2007) Oxytocin Increases Generosity in Humans. PLoS ONE 2(11): e1128).
This also goes starkly against our current online climate of social media in-fight, tribalism, polarization, and the growing sense of fear that most online platforms instill in us. We are consistently triggered to experience fear, going into a vicious cycle of fight-or-flight responses that make us feel poorly about ourselves and others. There must be a better way towards conscious online conversation.
Building a virtual community takes hard, intentional work and facilitation.
The success of this experiment was largely due to the leadership and commitment of the host and facilitator, Eric, in forming and maintaining the group. He very intentionally created space for such a community to grow and thrive, gently steering the group by listening to their needs and empowering people to connect, whether through words, images, or silence.
As an example, Eric initially only came up with a general format for the room, leaving people the freedom to use the discussion time as they desired. As weeks went by and the group dynamics evolved, he noted down some of the most interesting behaviors and informal "rules" that had emerged, then shared them back with us as a topic of conversation and deeper exploration.
On very few of the 400 days that he couldn’t be present, he delegated the moderation of the group to one of the other members, empowering others to take on a slightly different role and building a shared sense of trust.
If you’re interested in learning more about community building, I highly recommend the book "Get Together: How to Build a Community With Your People".
Meditating consistently for 400 days is "cool".
Meditation - and more broadly contemplation practices and reflection - are a core tool for us to understand ourselves (inside-out) and process the world (outside-in).
We live in a world where we are constantly connected online to other minds and to a never-ending stream of information, 24/7. As a result, one of our greatest human assets, attention, is constantly degrading. Cal Newport in Digital Minimalism calls this phenomenon "solitude deprivation": some amounts of silence and solitude are essential to help us cultivate the ability to clarify hard problems, regulate emotions, build moral courage, and strengthen relationships. We desperately need time alone with our thoughts and away from other minds.
In addition, in Club Med, the group’s shared silences and laughter illustrated the beauty and joy in ordinary moments. It served as a reminder to cherish the present and find joy in everyday experiences. More on this in the great book "Joy on Demand: The Art of Discovering the Happiness Within" by Chade-Meng Tan.
Daily practice and group accountability are the building blocks of a system of habits.
The daily commitment of each member underscored the value of consistency and the importance of showing up. It was a testament to the transformative potential of showing up for oneself and others, fostering mutual growth and a deep sense of belonging.
What the group effectively helped build was a strong system of shared daily habits paired with a peer-accountability system. As James Clear said in Atomic Habits: "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."
Since the end of Club Med and over the last year, I’ve personally found it much harder to meditate as regularly and consistently as during the 400 days.
Technology can be used mindfully to promote human flourishing.
Technology can be used mindfully to enhance our wellbeing, instead of exploiting our human weaknesses (see dopamine-inducing, slot-machine-like social media feeds and the like).
We can - and should - use our increasingly powerful tech to cultivate mindfulness (self-awareness, emotional intelligence, equanimity) and compassion (awareness of others, mindset of kindness, and taking action to help others).
For more on this topic, I highly recommend Tristan Harris’ work at the Center for Humane Technology.
Here’s how ChatGPT poetically summarizes the Club Med experience (I promise that everything else you read before was all written by me!):
The impact of daily meditation at Club Med was multifaceted and profound. It was not just a practice but a shared journey of self-exploration and growth, weaving a tapestry of experiences and learnings that will continue to shape our lives and the bonds we formed. The silence spoke volumes, and the stillness was a dance of unity, guiding us toward a more harmonious, mindful, and compassionate existence.
Call to Action
Have you ever found connection in the most unexpected places?
How has mindfulness practice impacted your journey?
What are other ways to use or build mindful technology?
A special thank you to Eric Antonow, the creator and host of Club Med, for his vision, dedication, and support.
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Really cool!
Such a great write up of the time we spent together. Thank you!
Every I learned about community I learned from @bailey